Bristow, who hails from Camberley, England, recently took refuge with the Shandao Pure Land lineage under Master Huijing. He is now Householder Jingchun (净纯), which means Pure Integrity.

　　柯南·布里斯托，来自英国坎伯利。他最近在慧净法师座下皈依净土宗，专依善导大师思想念佛求生极乐，法名「净纯」。

　　Like many of our fellow practitioners, Jingchun traveled a long and often arduous path to the pristine Pure Land school. Here is his own account:

　　像很多莲友一样，净纯居士也经历了漫长、艰辛的求法之路，才有幸遇到了纯粹的净土法门。让我们来分享他的修行历程。

DESTINATION SHANDAO

柳暗花明 终遇善导

By Householder Jingchun

文/净纯居士

　　Here in the United Kingdom, Buddhism is a minority faith and Pure Land Buddhism is almost unheard of. Yet, somehow, I was able to find the Pure Land way. What's more, I was able to accept it fully after a single encounter. As a child, I was spiritually aware, always wandering alone along the canal in silence while the other kids were busy playing. Seeing spirits was not uncommon for me – something my mother later told me she knew about. While I didn't understand the phenomena I witnessed, it now seems to have signaled a special purpose for this particular lifetime. As a child, I didn't know what that purpose might be; I had no framework within which to understand my desire for spiritual knowledge.

　　在英国，只有少数人信仰佛教，而佛教的净土宗更是鲜为人知。但我却机缘巧合地遇到了净土法门，并对它一见倾心。小时候，我就在灵性方面有着敏锐的意识。当其他小朋友都在追逐打闹的时候，我总是独自一人，沿着运河的长堤，默默地漫步。我能看到鬼魂，这对我而言，是再平常不过的事。母亲後来告诉我，她也知道有关鬼魂的事情。尽管当时的我，无法理解所见到的现象，但现在看来，那似乎预示着我这一生有着特别的意义。而作为孩子，我不可能知道什麽是人生意义，更不会明白自己为什麽渴望探知灵性的奥秘。

　　When I was 22 years old, I decided it was time to quench my thirst for truth – a thirst that, as far as I knew, I was born with. I went to a library with the intent of spending as much time as I needed to find the right book (or books) that explained the world and what lay beyond it. The spiritual aisle was very large; it seemed absurd to think I would just walk away with the answer. I stood before the aisle and gazed down the long shelves, hoping that a book would just jump out at me and save me the trouble of searching. I'll never forget this, because a book 「jumping out at me」 was, in a way, exactly what happened.

　　我22岁时下定决心，要去解开真理之迷，满足那与生俱来的好奇心。我走进一家图书馆，横下一条心，无论花多长时间，也要找到一本书（或几本书），能够向我解释清楚世间和世间以外的真相。灵性类书籍的藏书区非常大，想要从中轻而易举地找到答案，似乎希望渺茫。我站在过道上，沿着成排的书架望过去，奢望能有一本书出现在我面前，不必我再去大海捞针。我永远也不会忘记当时的场景，因为真的有一本书，几乎是自己「出现在了我面前」。

　　I felt a strange impulse to pick up a certain volume that suddenly caught my eye – a book that didn't stand out in the least. It was a small publication, about an inch thick, with a plain blue spine. Its title was 「Buddhism of Wisdom and Faith: Pure Land Principles and Practice,」 authored by Vietnamese Master Thich Thien Tam. I had no knowledge of Buddhism, let alone Pure Land Buddhism; I just had a strong feeling that this was what I needed to read. So off I went to read it.

　　在我浏览书架的时候，忽然有一本书吸引了我的眼球，我感到一种异样的冲动，不由自主地取下来翻看。这本书在外表上，没有什麽与众不同，它不过是一本小小的出版物，约一英寸厚，普通的蓝色书脊，书名是《智慧与信仰的佛教：净土法义及修持方法》，作者是越南法师善心长老。那时，我对佛教还一无所知，更遑论净土法门了。但我有种强烈的预感，这正是我需要看的那本书。於是我认真地读了起来。

　　I couldn't believe that I was actually awake; it seemed as if I were moving through a dream. But what was happening was that I was in the midst of an awakening, the one we all have when we finally encounter truth. I read the whole book in one sitting, finishing by the early hours of the morning. I fell asleep extremely content, softly chanting 「Amituofo.」 To my amazement, this encounter hadn't been a dream. I awoke full of energy with the Name flooding my mind. From that moment on, I resolved to recite the name of Amitabha Buddha as my only practice and refuge.

　　看书的感受，恍如梦中一般，我不敢相信自己还醒着。但我真正经历的恰恰是正在走向觉醒的过程，是我们终於遇到真理时所获得的觉醒。我一口气读完了整本书，此时已是凌晨时分。我合上书本，感到心满意足，口中轻声吟诵着「阿弥陀佛」的名号，酣然入睡。一觉醒来，我欣喜地发现，这一切并不是做梦，脑海中仍然回响着名号声，整个人充满活力。从那一刻起，我发心专一持诵阿弥陀佛名号，并以念佛作为唯一的皈依处。

　　I imagined that this would be my single path until the end of my life, but many pitfalls lay ahead. My cousin, a very serious Christian, started to challenge my newfound faith. I began to doubt Amitabha – even the Dharma itself. But this circumstance, like everything in this world, was impermanent. Despite these obstacles, the Name refused to leave my heart; it had become a part of me. Eventually, I returned to my faith and the simple practice of chanting Amitabha’s name.

　　我那时设想，将佛号一念到底，直至生命的尽头。但不曾料到，面前的路上，还有很多陷阱等着我。我的表兄是一位非常虔诚的基督徒。对於我内心刚刚萌生的弥陀信仰，他提出了质疑。我开始动摇了，对阿弥陀佛、甚至佛法本身都起了怀疑。但这种状况，犹如世间万法，都是无常的。障碍尽管存在，但弥陀的名号却拒绝离开我的心。它已成为我的一部分。最终，我又回归到了净土信仰，重新开始念佛。

　　But the biggest challenge I would face came in the guise of Buddhism itself. I met an ex-Zen monk who was giving spiritual teachings. He was a very serious person who had spent 20 years in Japan practicing meditation while facing a wall. The things he taught seemed not only unbelievable, but very far from Buddhism. I wasn't sure if I was crazy or naive for listening to him. But he had been a Zen monk! Surely, I could trust him, right?

　　然而，我碰到的最大挑战，却是以佛教的面目出现的。我结识了一位曾经出家的禅师，当时他正在讲授灵性修炼的内容。他是个严肃的人，曾在日本用20年的时间，以面壁的方式修习禅定。他所传授的东西不但匪夷所思，而且与佛教教义有很大不同。我不敢肯定听从他的教导是不是很疯狂，或是很幼稚。但他毕竟曾是一位出过家的禅师！所以，他应该是能够信赖的，不是吗？

　　What he taught was that all religions are just an overflow of consciousness, and the sufferings of the world result from humanity losing touch with darkness through its obsession with light. What he had learned from his many years of getting up to walk in the dead of night, was that we are not alone; and not so many years before, he had experienced a direct encounter with the one he called the Mother of all mothers. It was the Goddess herself: the true face of God. She is the darkness we see when we look up on a starry night, and the dirt beneath our feet is her body. No one can escape her. In her, the meaning of life is life itself – the cycle of birth, death and rebirth – and all beings have always been at her mercy, pulled inexorably towards her like celestial bodies towards a gravity well.

　　他宣称：所有宗教都不过是意识的泛滥，世间的痛苦来源於人类贪求光明，从而失去了与黑暗的联系。他通过多年在深夜起床经行，认识到我们不是孤独的；几年前他直接接触到了所谓的诸母之母，也就是女神，她是上帝的真实面貌，是我们仰望星空时所看到的黑暗苍穹；我们脚下的尘土就是她的身体。任何人都无法逃离她。在她之中，生命的意义就是生命本身——生与死的轮回，一切众生永远任凭她摆布，必然地被拉向她，就像天体被吸入重力场一样。

　　At the time, these things really touched me deeply. This teaching seemed to pull on the strings of my heart like nothing had before. But after two years of devotion to the Goddess, I found myself becoming very unwell and depressed, something that I still struggle with to this day. Ultimately, I knew these beliefs had to be wrong; my body was telling me that something was seriously amiss. So, I left the teaching, and immediately my health began to return. (Previously, I had always enjoyed good health, and I believe strongly that this was the result of having said the name of Amitabha for many years.)

　　我一时被这些东西深深吸引。这种学说，似乎前所未有地牵动着我的心。但是，经过两年虔诚地信仰女神，我发现自己变得非常病态和沮丧，直到今天，我仍要与这种状态抗争。我终於悔悟到，信仰这些理论是错误的，我的身体也告诉我，有些东西很不对头。最终，我放弃了这种学说，身体状况立即开始好转。（在信仰这种学说之前，我一直很健康，这无疑是多年念佛的结果。）

　　Finally, I found my way back to the Pure Land path, and felt very happy to be returning to the teaching that had nurtured me for half my life. But there was still one last issue that needed resolving: Which is the correct interpretation of the Pure Land Dharma? After much reading and contemplating, I had a realization that has been shared by many a bygone Buddhist master: Shandao was the father of this teaching; he had been Amitabha himself, manifest in the world. As stated in his 「Commentary on the Contemplation Sutra,」 Master Shandao's words are authorized by the Buddhas and are authoritative for all time! This statement has been deeply imprinted in my mind.

　　最後，我终於又回到了净土法门中。是净土教理，曾经在我生命一半的时间里，滋养着我的身心。回归净土法门，我是多麽高兴啊。但仍有最後一个问题需要解决：净土教法的正确义理究竟是什麽？我进行了大量的涉猎、阅读和思考，终於像今天的莲友们一样明白了，原来中国唐朝的善导大师是净土宗的开宗祖师，他是弥陀化身，应现於世。他在《观经四贴疏》中明言告白，以此观经要义，楷定古今，并请诸佛证定！这些文字已深深印在我的脑海里。

　　I experienced a few difficulties in transitioning out of the Japanese Pure Land schools, but this is perhaps to be expected after having invested over a decade studying the teachings of Honen, Shinran and Ippen. Despite my ongoing battle with depression, I am happy to be home, and the support I receive from the growing Shandao-lineage network in the English-speaking world is truly priceless. This is my family, one that extends across all the Dharma realms for all time. Together, we will all become Buddhas, and assist in liberating all beings everywhere under the compassionate guidance of our true parent, Amitabha the immeasurable one!

　　我经历了一点困难，才从各种信仰教派的影响中走出来，但这也属意料之中的事，毕竟我曾用十多年时间，学习其他祖师们的教法。尽管我仍然在不停地与抑郁症作斗争，但能够回家使我很欣慰。在英语世界里，皈依善导大师思想的人越来越多，莲友们给了我很多帮助，他们都是我的家人，这是一个周遍法界、纵贯三世的大家庭。我们将一道成佛，再去十方世界度化众生，这一切都要仰仗我们的慈父阿弥陀佛的力量啊!

　　Namo Amitabha!

　　南无阿弥陀佛