作者: Householder Jingji 淨機 居士
中文譯者: 加拿大 淨普居士

 

       In early 2015, Householder Jingji (淨機) recently became the second non-Chinese to take refuge in the Pure Land school under Master Huijing. Born and educated in Moscow, Russia, Jingji now divides his time between Nepal and Thailand. Here is his account of his own tortuous search for spiritual fulfillment, which lead him from Hinduism and Tibetan Buddhism to Japan's Jodo Shinshu and, finally, the Pure Land lineage of Master Shandao:

 

       本文作者淨機居士是美國籍的淨行居士後第二位皈依慧淨師父的非華人蓮友，在俄國莫斯科出生、受教育，現居尼泊爾及泰國，入本門前曾修學印度教、藏傳佛教、日本淨土真宗以及日本淨土宗。

 

       The first time I heard the essence of Buddhist teaching was when I was 16. In my hometown of Moscow, our teacher in college included an overview of the Four Noble Truths in a course on philosophy. This was a watershed moment for me, which I remember very vividly. It was the first time I came to realize that I wasn’t that strange, “gloomy” or even abnormal, as my parents and friends sometimes described me. They thought so because I felt powerfully that life was full of suffering. I had had this conviction since I was 13. In that class, I heard from our professor that it wasn’t only I who thought so, but Shakyamuni Buddha himself. Not only did he believe it, but this notion – existential suffering and how to remedy it – became the cornerstone of all Buddhism, one of the global religions. I well remember how inspiring these insights were!

 

       第一次聽聞佛教的要義，是我十六歲的那一年。莫斯科是我的祖家。有一天，老師把佛教的四聖諦，作為哲學課程授課。我聽後，如沐春風，此時刻清晰地現在腦海中。父母和朋友常常說我畸怪、憂鬱、不平常，但這次經歷使我第一次知道：我並非如他們所說。他們這樣評價我，是因為我自十三歲的時候，已有一種強烈的感覺：生命是充滿苦惱的。教授還對我說，不只我這麼想，釋迦牟尼佛亦如是想。佛不只這樣信，而且將解脫現世苦惱的方法，構建成為佛教思想的基石，使佛教成為世界性宗教之一。此深遠的見解觸動我、啓發我；我不會忘記的。

 

       Yet, at that time I did not explore Buddhism thoroughly. There was this scary concept of “emptiness,” which I immediately misunderstood as non-existence. Somehow, I felt that there must be some Absolute, perhaps not exactly a God – an anthropomorphic being who sits in the sky and judges everyone – but an Ultimate Reality, consciousness itself. So I started studying Hinduism and its many schools, which from the very beginning postulates the existence of such an Ultimate Reality.

 

       此刻，我尚未徹底深入地鑽研佛教。我錯誤地把佛教的「空性」思想聯想為「空無一物」，因而被嚇怕了。我感到世上有「絕對」的存在，它不一定神。神是高高在上的一種「人性化」力量去評判每個人，但「絕對」是「終極實相」、是心識本身。我開始學習印度教及其派系，因為他們很早以前已假設此種「終極實相」的存在。

 

       I spent about ten years examining various Hindu traditions and visiting spiritual centers and masters in my home country, Russia. Hinduism also believes that life as we know it is something to be transcended, for it is full of suffering, the main one being continued transmigration in the wheel of samsara (cycle of rebirth). Gradually I ended up studying and trying to practice the teachings of non-duality (Advaita Vedanta).

 

       我花了十年時間探討各種印度教，也拜訪莫斯科的寺院和僧眾。眾所週知，無休止的生死輪迴也是印度教的信仰，而人們必須要超越此充滿苦惱的主因。最後，我嘗試修習「不二法門」。

 

       In 2005 I went to Asia for the first time, and my destination was Nepal. I was very interested to see for myself Hinduism “at work” in this, at that time, Hindu kingdom. I was surprised, and repelled, when I was forbidden to enter the main temple of Nepal devoted to Shiva, called Pashupatinath. The signs said “Hindus only,” and the guards immediately sensed that I was not “one of them.” I tried to explain to them that I was probably much more Hindu and knew more about Hinduism than they did, but all was in vain.

 

       2005年，我首次踏足亞洲，目的地是尼泊爾。我竟然發現此地是印度教的王國，而且十分活躍。但我竟碰釘而被拒於門外，沒法進入尼泊爾最大的寺廟，參拜濕婆神，又名大自在天。寺前貼有告示：只准印度教徒進內。寺門的警衛二話不說，認定我不是他們的一份子。我企圖向他們解釋說，我所知的印度教還比他們多，結果是徒勞無功。

 

       Besides, Kathmandu and its surrounding areas were not inviting at all, filled with filth and rubbish of all kinds. Deeply frustrated, I went with a friend to a well-known Buddhist establishment, located just 10 minutes away. What a tremendous difference! I felt like I was in a totally different country, as the place was very clean and the energy entirely dissimilar. The magnificent stupa of Boudhanath was gazing on all four sides with eyes of compassion and understanding (pictured) ... I was utterly amazed and captivated by the environment.

 

       還有，我對加德滿都及其周邊地區沒有一點好感，遍地都是垃圾，骯髒不堪。我感到困擾不安，隨即與朋友步行十分鐘，轉往另一佛教道場。此處分別很大，如兩個截然不同的世界，十分潔淨，釋出的能量不一樣。眼前的雄偉的波大那佛塔，四邊的慈眼和慧眼閃閃發光，令我驚喜不已，使我着迷了！

 

       From then on, I turned virtually my entire attention to Buddhism. I read as much as I could about various Buddhist lineages and their doctrines. Several months later I took refuge in the Three Gems in Kathmandu with a Tibetan lama. Naturally, the transition from mystical Hinduism to the perhaps even more mystical world of Vajrayana Buddhism was quite simple. Everything seemed to be filled with wonder and enigma, and thus very inspiring.

 

       此刻開始，我實際上已將注意力完全轉入佛教。我傾力地閱讀各種宗派的佛教書籍。數月後，在加德滿都一位喇嘛主持下，我皈依三寶了。由滿天神佛的印度教轉入神秘莫測的金剛密乘教，我自然不感到太困難，反正一切事物雖具啟發性，但似是充滿神奇，難以理解的。

 

       For personal reasons, I decided to discontinue my rather common life in Russia and devote myself to the study and practice of Buddhism in Asia. I moved to Kathmandu and joined a Buddhist institute there. The more I studied and practiced Tibetan Buddhism, the more obvious it became that this tradition was just too sophisticated and complicated for me. From inside, I felt the urge to walk around the great Boudhanath stupa, chanting the mantra of the Bodhisattva Avalokitesvara, “Om Mani Padme Hum.” I would sometimes spend two or three hours a day on this practice, though nobody was telling me to do that. It just came naturally.

 

       基於個人理由，我決定中止在俄羅斯的平凡生活，全情投入到亞洲去修習佛法。我移居加德滿都，並加入佛教組織。當我修習藏傳佛教愈多，我愈明顯地感到此宗派太深奧和太複雜。在寺內，我常趕着繞波大那佛塔而行，又要念着觀世音菩薩的密咒「唵嘛呢叭咪吽」。雖然沒有人叫我這樣做，但我經常每天花兩至三小時修行，自然而然。

 

       After six months at the Buddhist institute I realized that I did not wish to engage in the deep study of Tibetan Buddhism, which I felt was removed from my actual practice. Though I attended several Tibetan Buddhist retreats and meditation courses, which I found useful, I began to explore other Buddhist traditions. I went to India for a retreat in Goenka's Vipassana meditation. It was an edifying experience, which allowed me to have a closer look at my nature as it was, and sense the intricacies of my raging defilements. The experience gave me a strong feeling of how hard it is to deal with these afflictions, let alone remove them completely!

 

       六個月後，我不想繼續追求更高深的藏傳佛教，並已脫離了實際的修持。雖然我還參加數次靈修坐禪的課程，感到有點受用，但我又開始探索其他佛教的宗派。我到印度參加了葛印卡的內觀禪修營。這次啓蒙的經驗，使我更深入見到自己的本性，感受到自已錯綜複雜而強烈的垢染，我相信憑我一己之力，沒法完全斷除的煩惱。

 

       Seeking to learn more about various forms of Buddhism, I went to Thailand and enrolled in the International Buddhist College there. This was perhaps the first time I heard about Pure Land Buddhism, as the founders of the college were Chinese Buddhists from Malaysia who practiced both Ch’an and Pure Land.

 

       我又走到泰國，追求其他形式的佛教。我報名加入當地的國際佛學院。學院的創辦人來自馬來西亞，他們是禪淨雙修的中國佛教徒。或許這是我第一次聽聞淨土宗。

 

       In 2011, I read several books on Pure Land and felt a great attraction to this path. It resonated deeply with my own understanding of the need to be focused on a single practice. We really do not have much time to engage in miscellaneous practices, for life is so impermanent. Reciting the name of Amitabha Buddha was so easy, as I was already used to chanting the mantra of Amitabha’s close attendant, Avalokitesvara. I experienced a turnaround of mind and became a Pure Land practitioner.

 

       What followed, of course, was the need to explore the different forms of Pure Land Buddhism. As there were relatively few books on the subject in English, I began reading different internet sites, most of which were associated with the Jodo Shinshu of Japan. I also found some materials in PDF format, which were freely available for download. Particularly inspiring was a work by Chinese Pure Land patriarch Yinguang, titled Pure Land Zen, Zen Pure Land in English.

 

       2011年，我讀了幾本有關淨土宗的書籍，引人入勝。心裡有共鳴：我需要一門深入啊！人生無常，我確實沒有太多時間去雜修。淨土法門的稱佛名號之行持很容易，反正我早已習慣念觀世音菩薩的密咒，此菩薩是彌陀的近身侍者。一轉念間，我就變成淨土行者。接下來，我當然又要研究各種不同的淨土宗。只可惜太少有關淨土宗的英文書，我轉移到網上搜尋，而大部份都是與淨土真宗相關的。我也找到一些PDF檔案，可免費下載，其中最富啓發性的莫過於是中國淨土宗祖師印光大師的一本英文書，名《淨土禪、禪淨土》。

 

       Time was passing, and I was uncertain as to exactly which Pure Land Buddhism tradition to follow. Long interested in religious poetry, I was amazed by the poetic compositions by Jodo Shinshu Buddhists, and even devoted my Master of Arts degree thesis to this topic. Yet I was certain that there is a need, at least for me personally, to recite Amitabha's name as the practice that leads to rebirth, rather than focus predominantly on faith -- the position advocated by Jodo Shinshu.

 

       時間過去了，我尚未確定追隨淨土宗那一家。一直以來，我對宗教的詩詞有興趣，而淨土真宗的詩作令人驚歎，我也以此題目寫我的碩士論文。我確知「稱佛名號」是往生的行持，而非淨土真宗所推崇的「一念信心」。

 

       I very much liked the teaching of the founder of the first separate Pure Land school in Japan, Honen Shonin, and thought about taking refuge in his lineage. However, I discovered that the straightforward and highly spiritual path taught by Master Honen became substantially ritualized, rigidly formalized and politicized with time. Today, there is an emphasis on the performance of funeral rituals and the income therefrom – something far removed from Honen’s original intent. Indeed, the vibrant spirituality of Pure Land Buddhism is very difficult to find within the framework of a highly organized religion, something that also applies to other faiths.

 

       我特別喜歡日本淨土宗的宗祖法然上人的教化，也曾考慮皈依他。但及後，我發覺，法然上人本來簡單直接和高度信仰化的行持，隨着時間逐漸變成儀式化、正規化、政治化。時至今日，他們更偏重殯儀及臨終法事，也是他們的主要收入來源，但已遠離法然上人的原意了！事實上，如一般信仰式的宗教一樣，在一個高度嚴密的宗教組織裏，很難找到講求熱情奔放的信仰之淨土宗。

 

       I was very fortunate to find the Facebook page of the Shandao lineage through a friend. I immediately started reading its literature in PDF format, which can be found on the associated English website (www.purelandbuddhism.org). I was deeply impressed by the message of Master Huijing, who systematically restored Shandao’s teachings after they were lost in China for more than a thousand years. Fully adopting the teaching of Shandao, who founded Buddhism's Pure Land school during the Tang Dynasty, the transmission is pristine and unalloyed. I also found that in this lineage, Pure Land spirituality is not just preserved, but remains as vital as it was during the times of Master Shandao and Master Honen.

 

       透過朋友介紹，幸運的我終於找到了善導大師傳承的「臉書」群組。我立刻翻閱淨土宗英文網站的內容資料。慧淨上人的文章和法語，系統地復興了在中國遺失了一千多年的善導大師淨土思想，我深受感動。他完全確立唐朝善導大師為淨土宗宗祖的思想，使淨土宗的傳承是純而不雜。淨土宗的精神不只保存下來，而且富生命力，如善導大師和法然上人的時期一樣。

 

       To my great joy, I had found the living Pure Land tradition, which I am so glad to be a part of! I now put complete trust in Amitabha Buddha’s Fundamental Vow and recite his name. By doing so, I will forever escape this burning house, the suffering world of samsara.

 

       我很歡喜找到還活着的淨土宗，而且我是它的一份子。我現在全心全意信靠阿彌陀佛的本願，稱念其名號。如此這般，我將永離火宅 – 這個生死輪迴的苦惱世界！